Thursday, 2 December 2010


You gouda be kidding!

This is the communal expletive being muttered throughout Ireland in the run up to the festive season. The Irish Government are planning over 6 billion euros worth of cuts in the 2011 budget. Over double the amount foreseen by the 2010 budget.

In a country with just over 4.5 million inhabitants 6 billion euros doesn't go unnoticed, so in order to soften the budgetary blow the boys in the Dail have come up with a genius idea; Free cheese. It is the season of goodwill after all. They're politicians, not heartless, and most definitely not lacking in calcium.

The free cheese scheme is basically a continuation of the Butter voucher scheme which was phased out in 1999. Many people are outraged by the government's attempt to mend the rift between them and the by now very weary electorate. Some say (mainly Fine Gael party members) that Cowen and cronies are taking a leaf out of Marie Antoinettes book and saying "let them eat cheese".

I personally don't believe that. We all know where that flippant remark left Mrs. Louis XVI, headless and homeless, thats where.

Many are up in arms over the apparently new anti-crisis measure, but it has in fact been in place since 1987. However, the floundering Fianna Fail-ers misguidedly decided to publicize the scheme this year due to their falling popularity with voters.

Irish Minister for Agriculture, Brendan Smith said the aim of the free cheddar was to "contribute to the well-being of the most deprived citizens." The cheese is of Irish origin and the E.U. have funded the scheme to the prize sum of 818,00 euros.

It's seen primarily as a "social measure", but coincidentally results in the reducing of intervention storage costs at E.U. level. So, if you think about it, it's not really the bargain of the Century - 818,000 euros worth of 'free cheese' that nobody wants in return for 6 billion euros worth of public sector cuts.

But never fear, the numerical genius that is our leader and former Minister for Finance has come forth and said:
"The government's budgetary strategy is on course and the cuts could be managed if people recognise that we are half way through the adjustment and will be two-thirds through by next year."

How reassuring. If the fact that Biffo has finally worked out how to use fractions doesn't instill hope in the Irish nation nothing will.

There is another explanation of course. Perhaps we are just a nation of cynics. Perhaps , the Minister for Agriculture is a Rap lover. states that :
are all ebonic (african-american) slang terms for money. I can just see it now, Brendan Smith (or B-boi as he's known to his 'homies') commenting to a farming constituent "Fo shizzle, that new Massey Ferguson cost some mad cheddar, yo."


Later pimps

And remember, "them bones, them bones, need calcium. Them bones, them bones, need calcium."

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